Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God. December's theme is gifts. This post is not about gifts, but a post that needed to be written.
Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.
Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.
I knew it had been awhile since I occupied this space, but I didn't realize just how long until I began writing this post.
There are many reasons why I have not been here. One is that I didn't feel like I belonged here. After reading so many of your posts, I felt I wasn't good enough, or I wasn't a "Christian" writer.
The joy thief came.
My faith seemed so small compared to many of yours. I was no longer strong enough to put my words on these pages for you to read, to compare my words to yours.
And he came again.
Weeks turned into months, and after not writing for so long, I felt like a failure. This space became a mockery of what I called my faith. I was just writing words, I was not living them. And all of you were.
And he came again and again.
Every time I tried to write.
My faith became weaker, and I stopped writing.
Last night as I was watching a preview clip of "A Coat of Many Colors," Dolly Parton's mother said these words.
"Love ain't just a feeling. It is an action."
I immediately wrote these words down and they kept repeating themselves to me, again and again. I began thinking about why I started this space. I wanted to TURN toward Him. Turn is an action.
This space was meant to be a journey. A journey is an action. It is the act of getting from one place to another. I am not there yet. I may never get there.
When I think about the twelve men Jesus chose to come along on His journey, I see me.
I see weak faith.
I see doubt.
I see struggle.
But I also see love.
Love as an action, not just a feeling. Their faith was tested again and again, but they continued the journey.
My love for God cannot just be a feeling, it needs to be an action.
I see weak faith.
I see doubt.
I see struggle.
But I also see love.
Love as an action, not just a feeling. Their faith was tested again and again, but they continued the journey.
My love for God cannot just be a feeling, it needs to be an action.
And so I begin...again.
Maybe this post was about a gift after all.
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. ~ Colossians 3:7
Leigh Anne, your words today were a gift to all of us. Deep down inside there are struggles on our journey. We wish for peace and we feel it slipping away. We walk forward to take two steps back but for those who seek the gift of faith, the journey is worth the effort. May your words fill you with peace.
ReplyDeleteIn other contexts, your post (which I've already read twice) could have been written by me. Thank you for "Turn"-ing again. As I write that, I think of the "Turn, Turn, Turn" lyrics "To everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season..." May this turning time be a new season filled with everything God intends you to have; everything He longs to give you as gift. Thank you for the gift your post is to me this day. I look forward to being gifted by more posts of yours, if you will! God bless you!
ReplyDeleteYour last words, "Maybe this post was about a gift after all" made me teary-eyed. Believe me, I certainly don't have it all figured out, and I certainly don't live my faith all the time. I'm as flawed and fragile as it comes! And you're right - the "Journey" part of this space was called that for a specific reason. For me, a journey implies we are striving to be on the path, but we may wander from time to time. It also implies that the work is not done or figured out. The only thing I'm sure of is the destination, not exactly how to get there. I'm so glad you're back on this journey with us. I missed you! I thought of you when my friend, Nina, commented on my post on FB. I told her I was going to share it with you:
ReplyDeleteYour blog reminds me of the Shaker song--'Tis the gift to be simple
'Tis the gift to be free
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be
And when we find ourselves in the place just right
It will be in the valley of love and delight
When true simplicity is gained
To bow and to bend, we will not be ashamed
To turn, turn, will be our delight
'Til by turning, turning, we come round right
I love the song that Holly posted. To turn, turn will be our delight. Your turning is a delight, a gift. I feel so torn about writing about my faith. It's hard. But the struggle is part of the journey. I also love the structure of your post. You realizations along the way. That's what faith is, sticking it out when we doubt, question, wander. Thanks for posting today. I hope you feel safe enough here to write again.
ReplyDeleteHi Leigh,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted today. You certainly express the unworthiness I often feel when writing about my faith, and bear witness to the way silence begets more silence. I like what Margaret says--that the struggle is part of the journey. I hope this is the first (or first again) of many SJT posts for you.