An Unlikely Gift

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  December's theme has turned out to be gifts.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.

Dear Spiritual Journey Friends,

These past five months have been a true test for me.  

A test of strength. 

A test of faith.

As you know, Megan started her first year of teaching in August.  It was during this time when I had never felt so helpless as a mother.  Megan was miserable, and I would say a little bit scared. She had just spent the last four years of her life preparing for a career in which she now hated. She threw her hands up in the air and wanted to quit so many times.

I didn't know what to do; so I prayed.  I left the house each morning with a pit in the bottom of my stomach.  And I worried all day long.  During our moment of silence each day at school, I prayed a mother's plea, "God, please help her."  

I felt like my own prayers were not enough, so I called on many of you to pray for her too.

And you did.

Little by little God started to reveal His answer in an unlikely gift.

Megan has one student in particular who has some difficult emotional needs and who is Megan's biggest challenge as a teacher.  

One day, Megan showed me a picture of her student, "J," and she had completely surrounded herself with cardboard dividers.  I knew then there was more to this little girl than neither Megan nor I could imagine.  But what I didn't know was that she was the very person who would save Megan.

One day Megan came home and told me about a letter "J" had written her.  She looked at me and said, "Mom, she just wants to be loved."  I wrote about that letter here.

God's answer was being revealed day by day.

Then another time, Megan and "J" had  lunch together.  "J" confided in Megan and told her that she trusted Megan because she was her teacher.  I wrote about that here. 

I knew then that God had answered my prayers, our prayers.  He has placed in Megan's hands a gift, a gift which Megan never expected and a gift which helped her to realize she was called to be a teacher.

Thank you my friends.  I think she is going to make it.

Lighting the Way

in the horizon

one bright star lights the way to

an unlikely gift


©Leigh Anne Eck, 2015

This haiku is reposted from my blog A Day in the Life where I am participating in a December challenge.

Again

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  December's theme is gifts.  This post is not about gifts, but a post that needed to be written.
Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.

I knew it had been awhile since I occupied this space, but I didn't realize just how long until I began writing this post.

There are many reasons why I have not been here.  One is that I didn't feel like I belonged here.  After reading so many of your posts, I felt I wasn't good enough, or I wasn't a "Christian" writer.

The joy thief came.

My faith seemed so small compared to many of yours.  I was no longer strong enough to put my words on these pages for you to read, to compare my words to yours.

And he came again.

Weeks turned into months, and after not writing for so long, I felt like a failure.  This space became a mockery of what I called my faith.  I was just writing words, I was not living them.  And all of you were.

And he came again and again.

Every time I tried to write.

My faith became weaker, and I stopped writing.

Last night as I was watching a preview clip of "A Coat of Many Colors," Dolly Parton's mother said these words.

"Love ain't just a feeling.  It is an action."

I immediately wrote these words down and they kept repeating themselves to me, again and again.  I began thinking about why I started this space.  I wanted to TURN toward Him.  Turn is an action.

This space was meant to be a journey.  A journey is an action.  It is the act of getting from one place to another.  I am not there yet.  I may never get there.  

When I think about the twelve men Jesus chose to come along on His journey, I see me.

I see weak faith.

I see doubt.

I see struggle.

But I also see love.

Love as an action, not just a feeling.  Their faith was tested again and again, but they continued the journey.

My love for God cannot just be a feeling, it needs to be an action.

And so I begin...again.

Maybe this post was about a gift after all.

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. ~ Colossians 3:7

Easter Cinquain

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.  This week's theme is Easter

Easter

the stone is rolled

to find the tomb empty

"Do not disbelieve, but believe"

my Lord

Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me?  Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." ~ John 20:29

Eucharistic Love Story

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.  This week's theme is Maundy Thursday. 

Today I am connecting my spirit journey with poetry as I participate in National Poetry Month. Last year, I was introduced to a Fibonacci poem by Margaret at Reflections on the Teche.  A Fibonacci poem is based on a series of numbers where the next number is found by adding up the two numbers before it.  For example, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8...  Today I share some thoughts about my Catholic faith and the  importance of the Eucharist.

This 
is
my body,
the bread of 
everlasting life, 
be filled with spiritual joy
and share my Eucharistic love story with others.

"And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." ~ Matthew 28:20

My Faith is Weak

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.  For the next several weeks, Holly will be featuring our one little words.  Today's featured word is Exercise by Mary Hill.  

I have been away from this blog for awhile.  I could list excuses, but I won't.  I wasn't planning on writing today, but God had other plans.  My words tonight are raw; my hurt is fresh once again.

Last fall my trust and my faith were shaken by a dear friend.  

He made a mistake that has lifelong consequences for him, his family, his friends, and a young girl.

Tonight I saw him for the first time since the incident.  

I had to make a split-second decision 

~do I speak or turn my back.

I chose to speak.  

It was awkward.

I asked him how he was doing and he replied, taking one day at a time.

He said, I read your blog post.  You have no idea how much your words mean to me.

I said thank you.  Take care.

He touched my arm like old friends do, and I tried to make it out of the store 

~without breaking down.

My heart aches.  

My heart hurts.  

My heart weeps.

    ~ for him, his sweet family, and the young girl.

Through all the hurt and attempts at forgiveness, 

I can't forget her.

I want to understand.  

I want things to be back to the way they were.

They can't.

~My faith is weak.

My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness. ~ 2Corinthians 12:9

I Am

I have been hanging out in the book of Exodus this week because while researching Ramona's word, stretch, I found the words, "Stretch out my/your hands" many times.  But a single verse is one that spoke to me today.

This verse is found after Moses discovered God in the burning bush and was asked by God to lead the  people of Israel from oppression.  Moses questioned God.  When I tell them "The God of your Fathers has sent me to you, and they say to me What is His name?  What shall I say to them?" ~ Exoduxs 3:13

God answered with:

 ..."I Am who I Am." ~ Exodus 3:14

I am sure Moses was confused because I know I would be.  How can we possibly wholly define who and what God is?  How can we explain God?

We can't.

Stormie Omartian says in her book,  Praying God's Will for Your Life, "The Lord has many names in the Bible, and each one expresses an aspect of His nature or His attributes.  When we acknowledge Him, we invite Him to be those things to us.

He is everything I need at any given moment.

On those days I feel hopeless, He is my Hope.  (Psalm 71:5)

When I am weak, I ask him to be our Strength (Isaiah 12:2).

When I have a difficult decision to make, I ask Him to be our Wisdom.  (1Corinthians 1:24)

Stormie has a list of thirty attributes of the Lord.  I have listed here just a few:

He is my Restorer (Ps. 23:3)

He is my Helper (John 14:16)

He is my Patience ( Rom. 15:5)

He is my Refuge from the Storm (Isa. 25:4)

He is my Healer (Mal. 4:2)

He is my Shield ((Ps. 33:20)

He is my Light (John 6:35)

I know the more I accept that He is all of these things, the sooner He will become them in my life.  Walking through scripture is helping me to open my heart to everything He is and to everything I need.

The Giver of Gifts

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; 

and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; 

and there are varieties of activities, 

but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. ~1Corinthians 12:4

I am my own worst critic and my worst enemy.  I think most of this scrutiny comes from my childhood and my relationship with my father.  In my mind, I was never good enough for him, and those thoughts have carried over into adulthood.

This first verse reminds me that we all have different gifts, services, and activities, but we all share the same God who is the Giver of gifts.

I am a mom.

I am a wife.

I am a sister.

I am a daughter.

I am a teacher.

These are my gifts with which I have been blessed, and I need to use these gifts to give glory to God ~ the Giver of gifts.  In God's eyes, I am gifted in my own special way, empowered only by Him.

I just need to remember this today, tomorrow and everyday.

Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, 

let us use them... ~ Romans 12:6

The Plan

The heart of man plans his way,

but the Lord establishes his steps. ~ Proverbs 16:9

This verse has been talking to me lately.  I know there are many nuggets of wisdom in the Book of Proverbs, but to me it seems like a list of things I am supposed to do in order to obey and be pleasing to God.  Many of these verses make me feel like a Christian failure, but this verse is different ~ it gives me strength.

Many of us, especially teachers, set goals.  Some are long-term and some are short-term.  Most goals revolve around some type of achievement.  We want to lose weight, or exercise this many times a week, or save this much money.  Most goals have a point of destination, a place to end.  In a sense, our desire to achieve these goals gets us going and allows us to take action.

But I think God calls us for a bigger goal or a mission.  My spiritual journey is a mission; it is an action.  I have no point of destination, only a focus ~ to grow closer to God and live my faith the way He wants me to. (Takes me right back to Proverbs!)  It is only through action, as simple as a prayer for help, that God can guide us.  I can't sit idly and wait on Him.  I must create a plan and let Him guide me along the way.

Yes, my heart has a plan or a call to action, but I know He is there guiding me, establishing my footsteps.  And that is a comforting thought.

The Cross

I decided to take this time during Lent to reflect on a scripture verse each day.  This new endeavor was inspired by Ruth Ayres who wrote 40 Stories of Lent last year.  Thank you Ruth for your inspiration and for sharing your faith so that others can learn and grow through your words.  

And He said to all, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." ~Luke 9:23

Several days ago, 21 Egyptian Christians died at the hands of evil.  The picture of them kneeling with evil standing behind them is one that replays in my mind over and over again.  They took up their crosses and lost their lives for their belief in God.

Before this verse in Luke's Gospel, Jesus had just fed thousands of people with only five loaves of bread and two fish.  Jesus was praying with his disciples and he asks them.

"Who do the crowds say that I am?"

They reply with John the Baptist and state that others believe that one of the prophets of old had risen.

Then he said to them, "But who do you say that I am?"  and Peter answered, "The Christ of God."

Those 21 men died because they answered the same as the disciples, because they believed in Jesus.  They died for their faith, while I am still trying to figure out how to live mine.  

This act of martyrdom makes my faith seem small and weak, but I want it to be strong.  I want to not only find the love of the cross, but to fully live it for all to see.  That is what this journey is all about.

DIVE Into Scripture

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.  For the next several weeks, Holly will be featuring our one little words.  Today's featured word is DIVE from Greg Armamentos at Dash - Life Between the Numbers.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent for many of the world's religions.  It is a time of penance, fasting, and prayer for forgiveness.  As a cradle Catholic, many discussions in our house at this time of year was about "What are you giving up for Lent?"  I don't necessarily agree with this because I don't think giving something up changes me.  Instead, I always wanted to add something or do something to change me to help me grow closer to Jesus and to deepen my faith.

Keeping this in mind and reflecting on what this spiritual journey really means to me, I have decided to focus the next 40 days on scripture.  Or to keep with the theme of the OLW - I am going to DIVE into scripture.  As a Catholic, I am not as well versed in scripture as I would like to be, which is another reason for me to DIVE in.  

"All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in the righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work." ~ 2Timothy 3:16-17

Each day I want to spend time reading the Bible and focusing on one scripture verse.  My routine will consist of the following:

1. Prepare my heart and my mind to listen to the voice of God.
2. Call on the Holy Spirit to help me pray (because this is another weakness of mine.)
3. Read the scripture, taking time to think and meditate on how I can respond to the verse.  
4. Finish with a prayer and a resolution to follow Jesus more closely each day of Lent.
5. Write in my journal or on my blog my thoughts and response.

Please check back during the next 40 days and DIVE into scripture with me.  I would love for you to join me.  

Outstretched Hands

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.  For the next several weeks, Holly will be featuring our one little words.  Today's featured word is REACH by Margaret at Reflections on the Teche.

I opened my laptop, ready for inspiration.  But the words didn't come.  

I took a shower, hoping for inspiration.  But the words didn't come.

I perused through my "faith books" on my shelf, searching for inspiration.  But the words didn't come.

How was I going to write about reaching for God, when the words just wouldn't come?  

I picked up The Power of Praying Through the Bible by Stormie Omartian.  I was getting desperate now.  As I began reading, I noticed that verse after verse was not about me reaching out to God, but Him reaching out to me.  

From the beginning of time, God reaches out through His breath. "The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." ~Genesis 1:26-27

He reaches out by sending us the Holy Spirit.  "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you." ~ John 14:26

He reaches out by telling us simple stories, by teaching in parables.  "This is why I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, not do they understand." ~Matthew 13:13

He reaches out through His Word.  "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ~John 1:1

My thoughts today center around God reaching out to me, 
                    
                       his hands outstretched, 

                                        calling me to reach out to Him.

My Road to Here

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.  For the next several weeks, Holly will be featuring our one little words.  Today's featured word is TURN, my one little word. 

My road to here has not always been a straight path, a safe drive, nor have I taken the scenic route.  Along the way I have encountered...

roadblocks

curves

wrong turns

speed limits

detours

roadmaps

traffic jams

caution lights

stop signs

one-way streets

speeding tickets

u-turns

construction zones

speed bumps

dead ends 

I have met roadblocks along the way.  But God placed them there not to make me stumble, but to make me stronger.

I have taken curves, a different path than what I expected.  But this is when I learned that it is God's plan, not mine.

I have had detours.  But this is when He taught me patience.

I have gone over speed bumps.  But this is when He told me to slow down and be thankful.

I have have been given the wrong directions by people I trusted.  But this is when He taught me about forgiveness.

I have made some wrong turns, turning left when I should have turned right.  But this is when I learned about grace and mercy.

I have been lost.  But this is when He taught me to follow Him.

Looking back down the road to here, I realize that God was always the yellow dotted line in my road.  He was what I needed to focus on to keep from veering away.  On the sharp curves he was the double line telling me not to pass and to stay in my own lane.  To trust in Him.

As I make my turn toward Him, He has given me a roadmap, His word.  There is never a dead end when we take the right turn, a turn toward Him.

I leave you with my devotion from Wednesday.

Trust is a golden pathway to heaven.  When you walk on this path, you live above your circumstances.  My glorious Light shines more brightly on those who follow this path of Life.  Dare to walk on the high road with Me, for it is the most direct route to heaven.  The low road is circuitous: twisting and turning in agonizing knots.  There the air hangs heavy, an dark ominous clouds predominate.  Relying on your own understanding will weigh you down.  Trust in Me absolutely, and I will make your path straight.

On Eagle's Wings

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.  For the next several weeks, Holly will be featuring our one little words.  Today's featured word is Fly from Michelle at One Grateful Teacher.  Thank you Michelle, for letting us fly with you this week.

I finished Gari Meachum's Spirit Hunger, and once again found inspiration for this week's post.  This book is about seeking God and feeding our Spirit hunger.  I think because we share our words each Thursday, we are all seeking God in some capacity.  Maybe we are seeking Him because we have been away awhile and need to rekindle that relationship, or we are seeking for a deeper, more meaningful relationship, or simply seeking to be with Him on a regular basis.

Just because we seek, doesn't mean our journey is easy.  Seeking is difficult for me personally, which is one of the reasons I started this blog.

Gari's last paragraph in the book says:

Spirit hunger is a lot like kite flying.  If we are willing to get in the air, we'll be carried by the Spirit's current, which is more than able to sustain us.  We don't need to be afraid of the wind of the Spirit; instead we can fly in it.  For with this sure hope, our Spirit hunger will find wings of its own, and soar. (Emphasis is mine.)

If we can just get into the air, we can fly.  I don't think this is too easy either.  Each of us go through dark times, times when we don't want or can't get into the air.  I have learned during these times God lifts us and "under his wing is where we find refuge."  ~ Psalm 91:4

One of my favorite Catholic liturgical songs is On Eagle's Wings written by Father Jan Michael Joncas and is based on Psalm 91.  Many Catholics sing this song at masses and funerals, and it is a good reminder how God raises us up on eagle's wings so that we can fly.

My prayer for all of us is that we continue
to seek Him,

to feed our Spirit hunger,

to be sustained by the Spirit's current and 

to ask God to help us fly.

He Listens

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day for me to spend some time turning toward God.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.  For the next several weeks, Holly will be featuring our one little words.  Today's featured word is Listen, the one little word from Carol at Beyond Literacy.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11

This is probably a familiar verse for many.  It is certainly one of my favorites.  As I continue to read Spirit Hunger by Gari Meacham, I am inspired once again.  I wrote last week about God's timing and how hard it is to wait for an answer.  It is during those long waiting times when many of us get discouraged or disheartened, and sometimes the spiritual journey takes a pause.  We start doubting and thinking God doesn't hear us, and He doesn't listen.

I find comfort listening to this verse, to know that yes, God does have a plan for me.  Even if that plan is not our plan.  But Gari says the words that follow this verse are the ones that "hold the punch."  

"Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me when you search for Me with all your heart."

We need to remember that a future filled with hope doesn't just happen.  We have to do our part in seeking God and praying for our future.  The real comfort lies in that He is always listening to us, even when we think He isn't.  In turn, we need to listen for God's voice to guide us along the way.

We seek.

We search.

We pray.

He listens. 

Update - I just returned from our teacher devotional/Bible study this morning and the lesson was about listening to God's whisper.  I love God moments.

A Time For...

I revealed on my first post that my one little word for 2015 is TURN, and it was the inspiration behind this space for my journey.  

When I think about the word turn, I start singing the song, "Turn, Turn, Turn" by The Birds. Although this song was written during the time of the Vietnam War and was a controversial song, the lyrics come from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NRSV)

For everything there is a season, and

a time for every matter under heaven'

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to throw away

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

These verses remind me that there is a time for everything.

God's time.  

We don't always agree with His timing, but His timing is perfect.

Prayer is often about timing.  Many times when we ask for something, prayer becomes cyclical.

We ask, 

we wait, 

we ask again, 

we don't get an answer, 

we stop

we start over

Waiting is hard. When we don't get answers quickly, or we don't receive the answers we want, we wonder

why

Life is full of ups and downs and yes, times to weep and laugh, and mourn and dance, and embrace.

There is also a time to ask, and a time to wait, and a time to listen.

Because God answers, He always answers.

In His perfect time.

Even the Disciples Lost Focus

Today is Spiritual Journey Thursday, a day to spend some time turning toward God.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.

For the next several weeks, our topics will be each other's one little word   Today's topic is Holly's word - focus.  I had a post ready to go, but another idea surfaced the other night as I was reading Spiritual Hunger by Gari Meacham.  I was reading a chapter on engaging God with prayer.
This particular section was "Lack of Stamina or Staying Power in Our Prayers."

I am a cradle Catholic, so most of my prayer life has been ritualistic, traditional prayer.  I can say a decade of the Rosary with no problem.  But it isn't long before I am rote praying, and my mind easily becomes focused on everything but the Our Father or the mysteries.  It is easy for me to lose focus when praying this type of prayer.  Or as Gari puts it, I have "...Attention Deficit Disorder when it comes to prayer."

As I kept reading, I realized the disciples, Jesus' closest friends, struggled with staying focused while praying.  

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray."  He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled.  "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them.  "Stay here and keep watch."

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping.  "Simon," he said to Perter, "are you asleep?  Couldn't you keep watch for one hour?  Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

The last line is key to understanding that sometimes no matter how much we desire to be focused on God and want to have engagement with him through prayer, we are still weak.  He knows we wander and through His grace continues to center us.

The Provider

My husband and I have been married almost 25 years, and I would describe our marriage as very traditional.  Maybe not quite a June and Ward Cleaver, but more like the Bradys minus four kids and an Alice.

I was a stay-at-home mom and enjoyed every minute of it.  We made sacrifices in order for me to do this, but it was worth it.  My husband takes great pride in being the provider for our family.  He worked hard as a banker for 30 years up until this fall when he started a new job.  Sunday, a decision was made and our life took a major turn.

We are left with so many unanswered questions.  How are we going to do this?  How do we get through this turn in life?

Last night I opened my devotional and God knew just what I needed to hear.

"Adverse circumstances become growth opportunities when you affirm your trust in Me no matter what.  You receive blessings gratefully, realizing they flow directly from My hand of Grace.  Your continual assertion of trusting me will strengthen our relationship and keep you close Me."

Then I went to the verse for this day.

"So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory."

As I closed my book, turned out the light and lay my head on my pillow, I knew this decision was in the hands of the real Provider.  We will be fine.

It Begins...

A new year

A new journey

A new turn

A turn toward Him

Today marks a new journey for me.  It begins with my one little word for 2015.

TURN

I was roaming on Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience and once again, found my word.  I wasn't looking for it.  It found me.

When I read her words, "How when you are turned away from God, life turns ugly, but when you are turned toward God, life turns lovely." I knew TURN was my word.

I am ready for a lovely life.  Last year was a wonderful year for me.  I REACHED places beyond my expectations.  Most of my accomplishments involved my professional life.  It was great, but I was still missing something.  

I have a wonderful family and I love being a mom, a wife, and a teacher.  But I am missing that spiritual something.

This year, it is my turn.  It is time to focus on me through Him.  It is time to turn toward God.  It is time to turn toward His word.  

His light beckons me to

follow

listen

hear

obey

love

His light beckons me to

turn toward him

For you are my lamp, O Lord,

and my God lightens my darkness ~ 2Sa 22:29

This is my new place for my spirit and soul.  I hope you like it here, and I hope you come back.  Please feel free to join me on this journey each Thursday with Holly Mueller and friends.